So You Don't Like Your Body... and You Want To Make Some Changes. Are you Ready?

It's 2014 and you've made a resolution.  You plan on losing some weight, getting healthy, and looking good in that bikini or those short shorts (ok, maybe not you guys, but you ladies....).  You know you're not getting any younger and it seems harder every year to keep the weight off.  You're looking for a little inspiration and motivation.  You've read all about eating and exercise, you think you are ready for this change.  But, are you?  Do you want to be a different person looking back at yourself next year at this time?  I know that two years ago I did.  I wanted to change.  Changing your body will also be the beginning of changing your mind.  What your body does and how clean it operates affects your mental well being as well.

So, if you think you want it, and are wondering if you can do it, take a look at the list of questions below.  If you say yes to all of these, then you are ready.

1.  Are you seriously willing to make the commitment?
Getting healthy is, of course, about changing the body, but it starts with the MIND.  If you think you can, you will.  It is not ever your body that fails, it is your mind that tells your body.  You must get into the mindset of a champion.  You have to be willing to resist temptations and it will NOT be easy.  I know this.  Anyone who has made this change knows this.  But the good news is, you can do it and the people who really care about you will support your efforts and understand that when everyone is eating a buffet at the summer BBQ that you can not have a plate loaded with potato salad, hamburgers, hot dogs (both on rolls), pasta salad, etc. (Big thanks to all my friends who have supported me in this area.  You've made it easier for me).  Making this commitment does NOT mean you shouldn't indulge every once in a while.  Give yourself a break.  It does mean that you are going to have to accept that the weight is not going to fall off.  This isn't like your cat shedding its winter fur.  It shouldn't come off so fast anyways.  You want a lifestyle change, not an easy come, easy go temporary fix.

2.   Do you understand that it takes baby steps?
Losing weight and being healthy means taking baby steps.  All goals are accomplished this way, including financial.  How many people actually become millionaires overnight playing the Lotto and how many people are wishing and buying lottery tickets, but doing nothing every day of the week to make their dreams happen?  The people who have made it to the top didn't get that way in the matter of weeks.  It took hard work, determination and dedication.  It happens a little bit at a time.  Many people aren't satisfied with little results.  That, unfortunately, is our culture.  We want immediate gratification.  You must be willing to accept that it will take time.
(For my female friends, you should also realize, especially if you are a woman that has had children, that you are probably NOT going to look like a Victoria Secret angel.  Be proud of the scars that came from being a woman who went through pregnancy.)

3. Do you have a mentor, friend, or trainer?
You need someone to know about your goals.  Telling someone else makes you accountable for it.  Telling someone who is a friend who also has the same goals is even better.  This was how I started.  My very dear friend, Katie Lashomb, was living with me at the time, and she and I decided we wanted to make some changes.  We got a membership at Heart to Heart and we also decided to try the low carb method.  Having Katie there with me held me accountable, but she also gave me the kudos and was a cheerleader for me.  I don't know how successful I would have been without her.  Now I don't need that anymore, but it's still nice to meet a friend at the gym.  (Good girlfriend time).  What I have needed is a trainer to introduce some new moves when my routine gets boring.  Aj Sutter works at Heart to Heart and is a great trainer who listens to your needs and will create a basic plan for you.    Having a mentor, someone who has "been there and done that" or is a personal trainer or nutritionist who can help you develop a plan... even better.  The best, but most costly, is to have a trainer who will develop an exercise and fitness plan for you and hold you accountable for it (I believe that Laura Tarbell from Heart to Heart does this.)

4.  Do you avoid excuses and accept when you've taken a step back and refuel toward success?
If you want to make the changes to your health, but find yourself saying, "I just don't have the time this week." And you have a list of reasons about why you are serving Stouffer's lasagna to your family and not getting any exercise, then you're not ready.  Of course, I understand that there will be a week that it truly will be nearly impossible to make healthy choices.  But if it becomes a theme, and you are making constant excuses, then you should go back to #1.  What I say to myself when I start feeling like I want to give up or I am making excuses is a line from my favorite movie, "The Shawshank Redemption" when Red says, "Get busy living or get busy dying."

5.  Are you willing to get educated about health?
You can't make the changes you need to and be completely ignorant about the topic of health and exercise.  If you find yourself often left wondering what to eat, what to cook, what workouts to do, then you need to find a friend, buy a book (I highly recommend the book Skinny Bitch), consult a nutritionist, anything.... but do something!  I have made mistakes in my own diet and exercise regiment.  BUT I was doing something.  You WILL make mistakes. We are human.  We are fallible. This isn't about being perfect, it's about finding what works for you and doing it consistently.

6.  Are you willing to see a doctor to get a routine check up and find out your deficiencies?
Your body needs the proper vitamins and minerals to function.  Your doctor can tell you your deficiencies.  You should also be sure you don't have any other issues, such as a thyroid problem, which women, 8 times more than men, have.  If you have another reason for weight gain, then you need to identify and deal with that issue.  Changing your diet will be one of the first actions your doctor will advised you to do.  Your doctor can also check your BMI (body mass index) and you can use that number as a way to check your progress later.  Heart to Heart trainers can also check your BMI.

When I started, I had a BMI that was pushing"obese".  I was a size 14/16 and weighed about 180 pounds.  I had difficulties sleeping and suffered from a lot of anxiety.  I was unhappy with my body and disappointed with the path my life was taking.... and if I can do it, so you can you.  It's about your attitude.  I'm now about 130 pounds, size 4/6, and have a handle on the direction of my life.  I am much more satisfied with my personal relationships.  But I'm not perfect and I continue to set goals for myself.  Life is about constantly changing and evolving.

I'm not a dietitian, nor am I a nutritionist.  I'm a single, working mom and an English teacher (with aspirations :) who decided two years ago after my grandfather's heart attack that my life had to change.  I am blessed that I have the support of amazing family (including my two daughters 9 and 7 years old) and great friends.  You can see my blog which has some basic changes you can make today toward better health.  http://resistthestatic.blogspot.com/2013/08/everyday-eating-for-healthby-mutiple.html
And, as always, you can find me on facebook https://www.facebook.com/april.charleson

Think like a champion, my friend, and you will become one.

Christmas 2013

Clarity & Mindfulness: Practicing Buddhism with Sacrifice and My Vows for 2014

Today is a day for writing.  I say this because of the heaviness of emotions, including a sorrow, that has cast itself upon me and I have shrugged off, but still feel the impression.

Despite the meditation, despite the constant focus of being aware of the present moment, I find that the holidays are a time when the singular loneliness I feel is exacerbated, and I am sure it is that way for others.  That is not to say I am alone. I am surrounded by others, family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, but it is a time when dreams of what could have been creep back in again, and the reality of what is happens to be so very different than expectations.  It becomes a time of reconciliation. Renewed acceptance and letting go.

In April, I took a week long vacation to get away from the constant chatter in my life.   It started in Denver where I stayed with some close family members,  I rented a car, then spent a couple days in Moab (Utah), Sedona (Arizona), and Sante Fe (New Mexico), before returning to Denver. I wanted to have my own Mecca, my own rite of transformation, and I knew I had to be alone to perform this.  It was an empowering experience, but there was one aspect upon which I want to elaborate today.

When I was in Sedona, wandering the streets which are not unlike the quaintness of Lake Placid, I happened to come upon a Spanish restaurant that looked inviting.  So, in I went.  I saddled up at the bar and the bartender served me some drink, followed by a menu.  After a few minutes a woman sat next to me and we began a conversation.

Ultimately, the conversation ended with her telling me about the Buddhist sacred site, the Amitaba Stupa, which she said, I must visit.

After dinner, I googled the address and programmed it into the GPS.  Before I began toward it, I read a little about it on my phone.  It indeed was one of a few Buddhist sites in the west.

 In a matter of minutes I was at a red dirt road, lined with trees and a steep wall of yellow stone backlit by a sinking sun in the immediate distance.

The path to the Stupa was worn, and framed by stones that were stacked in a pattern that reminded me of Stonehenge, although on an obviously much smaller scale.

 When I reached the end of the winding path, it opened to a very large area in which the giant statue of the Buddha sat, easily 10 feet high, but the center was the stupa.  

There was an area south of the Buddha for seating and ceremony, and there was a bench directly in front of the stupa where people had left small gifts.  Some gifts were also scattered around in the dirt.

I had read that when a person visits a stupa, he or she may walk three times around it with a question in their heart.  Around the stupa there was a very worn path where many had done so before me.  I did so, and each time I passed the little bench, I took off a piece of jewelry I was wearing and left it as a token to the spirit of Buddha.

Perhaps you are wondering what it is I wished.  My wish was simple.  I wanted to know my path.   I asked, "Show me the way.  Give me the courage to follow the direction my life needs to take."

As the sun set, I walked around the rest of the site and created some stone structures myself.

That night I had a vivid dream, of which I still return and find solace.  As I woke the next morning, the vision in the dream clung to me.  I packed the car and by 6 am was on the road heading for Santa Fe.  Traveling the hundreds of miles on the empty road, I revisit the events in my dream:

I return to my old home, the gorgeous 1878 Victorian home that I had lived with in Brasher with my husband and children and that he and I, with the help of my family, had gutted and rebuilt.  From the outside it looks exactly the same, but the inside, it is empty.  While it is empty, it is also very clean.  Spotless.  There is no furniture.  There is nothing on the walls.

I am searching for something.  No, not something.  I am searching for someone.  Then, it comes to me.  I am looking for the twins.  Lily and Jerome. (I do have two children but they are not twins.  They are girls, named Madeline and Elizabeth).  I wander from room to room with an ache in my heart, feeling like I had lost them.  When I get to the bathroom, I study the shape of the wall.  It looks normal, but as I get closer, I see the foundations and the walls are all slightly bent.  The paint is fresh, the room untouched, but the walls are bowed out, convex. As is the floor.

In the bathroom, I hear a sound, a loud screeching, coming from the yard, I turn to it.  It is a man, and without speaking to him, I know he has come to help me find my twins.  I do not see this man emerge from the vehicle, a flat bed truck, a powerful vehicle, that he has driven onto the lawn, but I am compelled to him, desire his company.  He has come to help me, but I feel as though he is also searching.  Is he searching for the twins?  We both have something we are missing, and each balances the other.  It is a complete feeling.  A feeling of resolution and harmony.

The dream ends.

My analysis of that dream led me to many conclusions, all of which have resulted in my true forgiveness of myself and my part in my divorce and my ex husband and his part.  When I arrive in Santa Fe, I did further research about the names Jerome and Lily.  I was startled to discover some interesting information regarding Saint Jerome... and about the flower Lily and what it represents.  In this context and to those of you who know me, it will also make sense when I tell you that the flower that represents my baby brother that died when I was 8, is an Easter Lily.  My mom planted that flower in his remembrance and each time I see it I am reminded of him.

I won't analyze the dream to you, but it certainly spoke to me, as have others that have come since. I hope that you give your dreams an opportunity to do the same for you.

When I left the southwest and returned home, many things happened, but they happened slowly. My life began to take the shape that felt right.... felt natural... and was satisfying... but there was still something missing... and that something was this loneliness that I sometimes experience as I continue to strive toward my goals.  I feel like I deserve a partner on this path, but I have yet to find someone who could possibly accompany me on this path.

Yet while I did not find someone to join me, I did have a realization this year with a man I dated for many months.  I came to understand that, some people come into our lives to open doors for us, but not walk through the door with us.

I continue to work on the healing that comes from being broken after loving someone (my ex-husband) to the point of emptiness... but this year was a start for me in the right direction.  I know now that I want to love again.  Deserve to find someone who not only will open that door for me, but walk through it with me.

I know that will happen in its time, and I have been reading Rainer Maria Rilke whenever I become impatient.  In his Letters to a Young Poet he says, "...believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance and trust that in this love there is a strength and a blessing, out beyond which you do not have to step in order to go very far."  

I believe in that.  And I won't settle for anything less than that kind of blessing.  I will make the effort to allow life to be and not force what I want or desire upon it.

But, the initial thrust of my blog today was in regard to sorrow.  It leads me back to wondering what is this sorrow?  Why do I suffer? And the path of Buddhism offers clear answers regarding suffering.  I have made slight conversions to that path,  but overall my journey has not been a Damascus Conversion, more instead of a subtle, convenient conversion. Sparked by occasional moments of will power.  I want to go all the way this year.  I want to follow the Buddhist path with more commitment and discipline.

Buddhism is a life philosophy, not a religion.  I stumbled upon it a couple years after my failed marriage when a kind woman came to my door to discuss religion with me.  I don't remember which faith she represented. I welcomed her and we had an in depth conversation about the spirit and its place in modern culture.  She recommended some books to me, and not to be outdone, I returned the gesture.  one book she left in my safekeeping and which I now own is called, Mankind's Search for God.   Within the book there is a chapter devoted to all the major religious philosophies,including the spiritual philosophy of Buddhism.

When I read that chapter, I continuously found myself connecting to the words, the principles and beliefs.  Buddha taught the Four Noble Truths:

1. All existence is suffering.
2. Suffering arises from desire or craving (and/or attachments as I see it).
3. Cessation of desire means an end of suffering.
4. Cessation of desire is achieved by following the 8 fold path, controlling one's conduct, thinking, and belief.

Buddha believed that enlightenment came from the self, not from God, but from good and kind acts and from clarity in thinking.  Just like there are divisions in the Christian "schools" there are a variety of types of Buddhists, but the four noble truths and the 8 fold path are the foundation for them.

Buddhists believe that is soul is not "immortal" and is a combination of physical mental forces.  Buddhists belief is that humans are in a state of suffering based on past and present actions (karma) and are reborn countless times to give the opportunity in new lives to reach Nirvana, which is almost like the existence of a salvation or a heaven.  Nirvana is a re-acquaintance with the energy force that drives all life (kind of like Kabbalah) .  As defined in the text mentioned above, "Thus, some describe Nirvana as cessation of all passion and desire; an existence free from all sensory feelings, such as pain, fear, want, love, or hate; a state of eternal peace, rest, and changlessness. Essentially it is said to be the cessation of individual existence."

How do I become mindful?  It is hard to be so in this culture because to be mindful, we must allow our minds to be free of the chatter and to focus on what is happening to our feelings and our thoughts.  Like looking and studying ourselves from outside of ourselves.  How can we do this very well when  we are so accustomed to having whatever we want, whenever we want?

"It is ignorance that smothers, and it is carelessness that makes it invisible. The hunger of craving pollutes the world, and the pain of suffering causes the greatest fear."

~Buddha

We are bombarded with every type of entertainment, pleasure of the flesh from alcohol, drugs (both illegal and legal), social recreation, material recreation... we are gluttons.  We have numbed our minds and bodies, feeding them to the point of overindulgence.  And we crave more and more and need a bigger "hit" to get the same kind of high...just like an addict.  (Keep in mind gluttony is one of the 7 deadly sins as well).

Being mindful of that craving (the desires) and making a conscious effort to stop that cycle is what is necessary.  A great short read on this topic is at http://mountainsangha.org/mindfulness-of-craving/.

This past year and a half I have made many changes to my body to train it to stop craving.  I have made some headway working also on my mind, but it has not been enough.  The work on the mind must be accompanied by a deeper commitment to be conscious of the desires I have for sensual pleasures and those connected to my 'desire for becoming'.  The desire for becoming I believe is linked to the ego, which when being mindful, turns the ego off.  The ego is in love with pride, which, again, one of the 7 deadly sins....

The desire for becoming is explained as (from the website above):

...  it is actually linking to the craving or grasping after something immutable within us, which we feel constitutes our reality, or our self–it is this that you desire to go on forever.

 It is also the craving for novelty, innovation, new phenomena. You are craving to become this and that, in a round of endless stimulation, linked very much with [desire]. We are always looking for the new thing that is going on.

In an effort this year to live more aligned with the idea of being mindful of craving I have made a huge leap and am sharing that I will take the following vows beginning today and lasting through 2014: one of celibacy and one for the abstention of consuming alcohol. I will also make more of an effort to be mindful, cutting out the "mind candy" that is  a distraction to clarity of mind.

We shall see how the year ends.  I look forward to this journey with you!
Namaste.

Simple,Quick Home Work-Out (Not just for Working Moms)

A quick, simple workout from home, designed for a beginner,  with my kids helping out.  We had a lot of fun doing this for you and we hope you enjoy!  Please remember I am not certified as a personal trainer (yet....) nor am I a fitness instructor or a nutritionist.  These 3 circuits take me about 30 minutes total, with rest time between sets and circuits included.

This home workout consists of three circuits, with some core, some weight and some   It's a combination I use when I'm at home.Each circuit should be repeated 3 times for beginners.  If the number of reps per set is too much, then decrease them.  For some of the exercises, I embedded a link.  You can click on the link for more info on how to perform that specific exercise.

As always, find me on facebook with any questions or comments.
 https://www.facebook.com/april.charleson

Circuit #1:

Squat thrusts (aka burpees):
15 each set. The photos above show the position of a squat thrust. 1. Start standing with your feet a shoulder width apart. 2. Squat down, then 3. thrust your legs out (almost like being in a push-up position). Then stand. That is one. Do 15.

Plank: See photo below. Great abdominal/core exercise.  Keep your body like a 'plank'.  Hold for 30 seconds


High knees: 45 seconds
Repeat, 3 time total. Rest between each set. I usually rest one minute.

Circuit #2

Jumping Jacks: 50 count
Reverse lunge: 10-12 on each side

Push-ups: Do ten.  If you need to do the "girl" version, then that's fine!

Repeat all three exercises above so that you do them 3 times total. Rest between each set.

Circuit #3:

Weighted Sumo Squats:  These are like a regular squat, except you stand with your feet a little more than a shoulder width apart. 10-12 reps
Jump rope (you don't really need a jump rope....pretend that's what I do inside): 1 minute
Weighted "forward" lunges (try 5 pounds on each side for a beginner):
12 on each side, so 24 total for each set (See below)

Repeat all exercises above so that you do them 3 times total.  Rest between each set.

Thanks and I hope this helped :)
April

A Quiet Desire Beyond Physical in Me Stirs

Grand Canyon, North Rim, April 2013

“As the earth dies your spirit will bloom; as the world fades your soul will rise and glisten.  Amongst the dehydrated crevices of a desert earth you will stumble upon your diamonds; in between the dry skulls and cracked bones you will find your sapphires.”

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going.  And I have trained myself to love it.  Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight.  And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to.  But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings.  You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the wind will carry you.”

~C, Joybell

I have never posted any of the poetry I have written, but today I felt compelled.

"A Quiet Desire Beyond Physical in Me Stirs"

I do not want to smile when I think of you.

I wait,

hesitate,

take two steps back.

I date others,

hoping that removes

the trace

of your touch.

You see,

I once

was brought to my knees.

Prostrate.

Begging.

Humiliated.

Shattered.

I rebuild.

My walls,

Impenetrable.

No windows.

No invitations extended.

No one I want seated at my table.

Yet,

You stand at my door.

I wave you away.

You creep back.

God damn.

So pesky.

Is this it then?

Is this the point,

6 years of dotted lines,

Connecting them so neatly.

Now I must learn,

to accept

You break my pattern.

I lean toward you,

Knowing the finality.

The expiration.

Holding my breath.

Please.

Don’t touch me like that.

Don’t make my lips curve up.

Don’t challenge me the way no other man has.

I hate myself for wanting,

It reminds me…

Reminds me of the weakness

In my knees.

How they could buckle.

I retreat.

Baby steps.

You teach me baby steps.

Your words,

They sting.

I don’t want them to.

A great misfortune?

I suppose it doesn’t matter anymore

What it is

What it isn’t.

They do. 

They do burn.

I retract.

I expand.

I am filling the spaces you create for me.

Do you know?

It is a woman’s intuition.

I brace.

I try. 

Like the other men,

I think of you as a car.

A shiny convertible.

Fast, sleek.

Sweet to slide into.

Turn on.

Rev.

Feel your power beneath me.

But you are not a car.

I listen for the sound

Of your heart beating.

You are alive.

A life.

A spark.

A lamp.

I follow the light.

I am at the edge.

You are the edge,

I peek over.

The fall is so beautiful,

So breathtakingly beautiful.

St. Lawrence River, August 2013
Photography by Kim Marasco