I am in a slump.
It's been a week since I ate clean all day. It's been four days since I had a work out.
Yesterday I made mac salad for my dad and Ella and, against my better judgment and breaking my own rules, I snuck at least a cup of it when no one was looking. Ella wanted chocolate so I bought a box of Ghirardelli double chocolate brownies and it only took one day before they disappeared. I've spent more time on the couch in the last week than I have all summer. I usually weigh myself everyday and I have avoided the scales the last two days. I've noticed that I haven't slept well in at least a week either.
"What is wrong with me," I ask myself.
It happens to us all, I know. I hate feeling this way. No motivation. A lack of desire to put any effort into my health. Again I ask myself to find the trigger(s) of my behaviors so that I can deal with my apathy.
1. Summer is almost over. It's end is so close we can touch it. Depressing.
2. The school year is beginning. As an English teacher, we carry a heavy burden when it comes to educating our children to read and write effectively in respect to the state's expectations. I am overwhelmed.
3. My own classes started last week. One of the professors is disorganized and confusing. It took me an hour just to decipher his expectations for the week. Again, overwhelmed.
4. I am involved in some research to help write some grants for our community. Exciting new venture for me, but with exciting comes scary.
5. Ella starts gymnastics, Madeline starts dance. We have soccer, I have meetings and assignments and the pressure of school. Our home calendar is so burdened with times and dates I'm sure I need a secretary to remind me of my appointments.
6. I spent last week at school helping with the WEB program and doing curriculum work. I ate pizza and ate lunch. When I got home, I took the kids out for dinner. I also went out with the ladies from work for a few cocktails as well as a night out with my girlfriends from school. More cocktails. Not good for a clean running system.
Once I got to 6 I started feeling nauseous about my choices for the week.I think I have my answer though, to why I am avoiding being healthy:
I have shut down because:
1. It is going to require a major amount of multi-tasking to keep up my health and my life's responsibilities...
2. This past week I decided almost to have a last "hurrah" and do whatever I wanted because I'm going to have to buckle down this coming week and the next ten months if I want to stay healthy and in shape.
What I know:
I can do it and so can you! I've done it before. It's a new day. Be prepared. Make a plan and stick with it.
How do I do this? you may be wondering. Here is how:
(Before you do this next part, you should ask yourself, Why am I sabotaging my health? (like I did above). Find out your triggers. If you have difficulty, ask a friend to help you with this.)
1. Set goals. I like to work out 3-4 days a week for at least an hour. When will I be able to do that? Looking at my calendar, I see I have time Monday, Tuesday, Friday after school if I make it a mommy-kids workout, and Saturday if I go after Ella's gymnastics. So I schedule those times in.
2. Get rid of tempting food in the house. If there were brownies left (which there are not!) I would bring these to school and leave them in the faculty room for everyone to enjoy. Throw away any food that is packaged that I may have bought that I don't need. (I.e. the Sour cream an onion chips that keep calling my name). You may feel bad/guilty about throwing away "good" food. Once you do it a couple times and realize how you are wasting money, you'll stop buying or rarely buy it. These chips my sister bought and brought to my house and left here! Damn you, Amanda :)
3. Prep the healthy food in the house for the week so it's easier to make good choices. For me, this means boiling 6-8 eggs, making a huge pot of brown rice and refrigerating it for the week, cutting up all the cucumbers, celery, and red peppers so they are ready to eat. This may mean a trip to the grocery store for some healthier options. Make a grocery list and stick with it (I have a previous post with a list if you need a jump start). Remember the advice I gave in my first blog about foods to avoid :)
4. Count calories for a few days depending on the damage from the scales. My goal weight is between 135 and 140 pounds. When I go over 140, I go back to a 1,200 cal a day diet. Use myfitnesspal app if I need help. Use measuring cups/spoons when eating.
4. FORGIVE myself for my week of unabashed overindulging. It happens. Move on! Get on the scales, check out the damage, and do what I do best. Forgiveness is difficult and it's an evolving lesson I am always learning. Loving who you are means knowing forgiveness.
5. Find some inspiration. For me, I look for a favorite saying or a favorite quote. You may talk with a friend or listen to a certain song.
I end with the inspiring quote that reminds me of why I do what I do:
"I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, 'well, if I'd known better I'd have done better,' that's all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, 'I'm sorry,' and then you say to yourself, 'I'm sorry.' If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we're capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don't have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach."
Namaste and best wishes!